thoughts

I'm fairly certain that I didn't get the job I interviewed for last week, especially considering that my first day should have been this Monday. I very surprisingly feel okay with this fact, even though a few months ago I would have killed myself for this position. I'm not exactly sure what happened in the last few months, but I've been leaning toward the idea that my current career path isn't for me. If you were to ask me what career path is right for me though, I couldn't give you an answer, but I feel fortunate to be in a situation that allows me some time to figure it out.

It's very strange to be in a situation where I have worked incredibly hard toward the goal of (what I thought to be) my dream job, and then to be where I am now. I feel like I'm just sort of floating around. Numerous people have told me that everything works out when it's supposed to and that it all happens for a reason, but I'm not sure I believe this. I believe that we are in control of what happens in our lives, and I didn't get this job simply because it showed that I was unsure that I would be a good fit for the position, and there was someone else who was more qualified and more enthusiastic about the opportunity. I had been waiting two years for an opportunity to interview for a job like this, and when I finally got it, I actually felt a little unsure. How crazy is that? Don't get me wrong, if they would have offered me the position I would have taken the opportunity and given it all that I had, but I just can't explain the feelings that I've had recently. Somewhere deep down I have a feeling that this career might not be right for me.

I believe the choices we have made are what have led us to end up where we are today, not necessarily because they were "meant" to happen that way. My most recent choice to possibly switch careers seems to have left me in a constant state of uncomfortable uncertainty (good move, huh?). Now, I just need to figure out what my next choice will be to see where that leads me...

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